Families that dine together grow wise together
We've all experienced the hectic daily rush that comes with raising a family and holding down a job. There is shopping to do, errand running, bill paying, socializing, gardening, car repairs and entertaining to do along with the responsibility of running a household and caring for our families.
Today, more then ever before, mom, dad and kids spend more time away from home, at work, play, or mall shopping and the first thing to get sacrificed is dinner at home. Cooking at home and sharing dinner with the family somehow just doesn’t make it on our busy to-do list. Things were different when I was a kid. The "baby boomer" generation, as we were called, grew up with close knit family ties, with three generations of family members sometimes living under one roof.
There was a routine to everything; dinnertime was 6pm sharp, six days a week, with Sunday the only exception when dinner was served at noon after the family attended Sunday church services. It was Papa’s desire that our family continue and adhere to these Old World traditions that he and Nonna brought with them from the old country. And our family was more than pleased to enjoy the nightly meals prepared by mom and Nonna. As we raised our glasses high, Papa's words sang out over the dinner table, "Salute per ceno anni," his deep, rich voice as hardy and pure as the red wine he held in his glass. "Good luck, for a hundred years," his family echoed back.
I remember how my grandfather's face beamed with pride at these joyous occasions and how our meal never began until each family member had taken their seat at the grand dinner table. That same, old, dinner table with its cracks and weakening chairs remains a treasure to me and the memories it evokes, priceless and everlasting. Today's experts are finding out what my parents and grandparents already knew about sharing mealtime, that making family meals a priority is more than worth the nourishment it brings to the body and soul, but it also sharpens our mental faculties as well.
Consider a recent survey from the National Merit Scholarship Corporation. The NMSC profiled National Merit scholars from the past 20 years trying to find out what these stellar students had in common. They were surprised to find that, without exception, these kids came from families who ate together three or more nights a week. Not only can family meals make your kids smarter; spending quality time together over dinner can also contribute to your children's emotional and spiritual growth. After all, it's when you're all together sharing the details of your day that real bonding happens.
And kids who feel close to their families are more likely to take the family's value system to heart. Years ago, Papa, as head of our family, always gave a few words of gratitude for the meal we were about to receive; he would thank grandma who prepared the food for us, and gratitude for the job that paid for it, and sometimes he added a little practical advice for the family to dwell on. His little ritual was always a part of our family's holiday meal. And, like most Italian American kids, I grew up with an anticipation for this dinner time meal and the closeness shared with family.
As each family milestone occurred - baptisms, first holy communions, confirmations, and birthdays, graduations and marriages - festive dinner tables were set so that all the family members could partake of the celebratory dinner ritual. And today, as I sit down at this same, old table I can't resist the urge to stroke my hands over its rich woods surface, and to feel all the tiny nicks and scratches left behind by each passing generation. At every meal, grandma's dinner table was covered with platters of her home cooking.
I'll always remember the lively chatter and heart-warming laughter that passed over the table at every meal. It was a reason for celebration just to be seated all together at grandma's table. The aroma of her kitchen spices and slowly simmered spaghetti sauce teased our appetites all day long so that by dinnertime we were famished. We couldn't wait to indulge in a platter of handmade noodles and meatballs covered in tomato sauce. Immediately after dinner it was a family ritual to clear the dishes from the table and then sit down again to play card games, dominoes or to play the mysterious and intriguing Ouijay board.
Some of my happiest times were spent at that table, where we would visit late into the night, sipping on cups of grandma’s strong espresso and playing board games. Sometimes, we'd just sit quietly listening to the oldest member of the family spin exciting tales. Other times, our grandparents would recall some funny little anecdote about each of their grandkids. Recently, I went out shopping for a replacement chair for my beloved but aging family dinner table. I was told by a sales clerk that dining room table sets, as I once knew them, are not as popular as they once were, that most new homes don't have a formal dining room.
And finding a chair to match my table would be almost impossible. It turns out that the salesperson was right about one thing, families aren’t sitting down together at big dinner tables every night, not like they did in my youth. I decided to do some research on this new trend in family dining and what I found out really wasn’t too surprising. Reasons listed for this new trend included, conflicting work schedules, no time to cook, don't know how to cook, or they just preferred to watch television and send out for a pizza.
According to Tufts University, national studies show that more than 80 percent of parents consider eating dinner with their children very important, but less than 50 percent actually sit down together on a daily basis. What’s more, these percentages decrease as children get older. Soccer practice dates, shopping at the malls, homework, and hanging out with friends, take a toll on family mealtime. Then, too, as children age they become more independent - physically, emotionally and financially. Most teens can - if they wish - remove themselves from family either by foot, bike or car.
And many teens and preteens have enough cash to buy fast food away from home. Things have changed, no doubt about it. In my generation we ate only the food mom prepared from her kitchen goods. Even if there were shopping malls or fast food chains my generation of kids never had enough money of our own to eat there, nor would we ever want to! Harvard Medical School has documented this new trend in America’s eating habits. In a Harvard study, only 43 percent of more than 16,000 children ate dinner daily with members of their family.
More than half of the 9-year-olds ate family dinners daily, whereas only about one-third of 14 year-olds did so. The decrease in family dining has evolved over time as families are pressured to divide their time and interest into a range of endless sports and school activities and committee meetings. I sure hope the sales clerk was mistaken when he said the big dining table is on its way out. I would hate to think that the coming generation is going to miss out on the fun and enjoyment I knew as a kid growing up in the 1940s and 50s.
How we all, sat together around Grandma's big oak dining table exchanging stories, and inspirations, as we enjoyed wonderful home cooked meals and created good eating habits. Like my mother always said: "Out of our habits we build our character on our character we build our destiny."
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